I don't know how to label pain.

[awesomesprout]

It's over.

Loren and Mariese are together.

I really just want to be alone for a while. I appreciate any sympathy given in advance and I apologize if I disappear for a while or don't talk to anyone.

The hardest part..... is having the one person who hurt you the most tell you they don't want you to go home.

I had to wait til he was asleep.

He wanted me to stay because he was worried about me driving home. I don't think he understood how much it was tearing me apart to lay there next to him while he slept knowing that it was the last time.

I told him I couldn't see him ever again. He told me he wasn't going to let me leave his life and walk away entirely. I'm too good of a friend.

I told him I didn't know if I still be his friend and that if things changed I'd let him know.

I feel like such a fool.

Comments

[27outs.livejournal.com]

fuck him - people don't get to hurt you and still be your friend. That's really Selfish on his part, and shows a pretty big disregard for your feelings.

I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

what has been going on with you two. were you boyfriend/girlfriend? who is this guy and how did you meet him? why were you with a guy that already had a girlfriend? why were you waiting on something that you knew, in your heart, would turn out like it did? look at yourself. you've never been stable. ever. even when you thought you were stable, you weren't. why not vere away from having a boyfriend and concentrate on yourself and your well-being?

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Ok first off. It's people like you that make me turn off my anonymous posting. Why not say who you are if you're going to make such bold statements about me? Obviously you seem to know so much about me and my stability so then why not show yourself.

Secondly. If you don't know the situation. Why are you commenting on it. You obviously don't know what's going on or else you wouldn't have had to ask.

Why don't you read my journal back a ways and maybe you'll answer your own questions because you obviously read my journal or else you wouldn't be commenting on it.

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

I have been reading your journal. every entry. and i still don't get who this loren guy is.

maybe i don't want you to know who i am because i haven't talked to you in a loooong time and you would think that i'm a freak because i've read your entire journal and haven't talked to you since the 9th grade.

but, whatever.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Ok. Loren is a guy I met like.... almost 6 months ago who I've been dating. He was single up until a few days ago. So no. I wasn't dating a guy who had a girlfriend. We met through a mutual friend. Also... the comment about the stability thing kind of irked me.

What I put into my journal is NOT what is going on in my ENTIRE life. You must understand it's only a glimpse so unless you talk to me on a regular basis you'd know that although things aren't perfect I am stable. And yes I've been stable. If you haven't talked to me in the 9th grade then good lord. no one was stable in the 9th grade. It was high school for god's sake. How can you judge someone based off of how they were almost 10 or so years ago?

I don't think you're a freak for reading my journal entirely and not talking to me. Though I really would like to know who you are, especially if you've felt the need to keep tabs on my life.

I have a profile on friendster, myspace, and classmates.com for a reason. I love finding people I knew in highschool and beyond.

So please. I would love for you to tell me who you are. And if you don't want to say it on my LJ. Go ahead and IM me. Hell. Call me if you want. If you've read my entire journal... you'll note my phone number is listed several times.

AIM: LilGrnSnoP
YAhoo msgr: Dragonreleasedwithen

Be brave or live a life of regret.

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

last time i messaged you on aim you pretty much sounded like you didn't like me... and you didn't make any effort to be my friend... i was hurt... but i still like you. therefore. i. am. a. f.r.e.a.k.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Then why don't you just msg me right now? How long has it been since we last talked? Let's play the question game, eh? Boy or girl? Were you a freshman when I was a freshman? Did we have classes together? Did we hang out? Why are you not just telling me who you are, what are you so afraid of? How do you know I wasn't just in a bad mood that day?

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

i was stupid for coming here. you decided you didn't want to be my friend. you became consumed with other people. why would you want to be my friend now? what i'm trying to get at, i guess, is that i wish we could have been better friends... but obvisouly, if it didn't work out then, it's not going to work out now. and i'm sorry for that. because, then, i valued your relationship. and i wish that you would have remained my friend. oh well. cest le vie.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Don't you think that's being a bit childish? Did I physically say I didn't want to be your friend anymore? You can't base everything off the past. Live in the past and you'll become to blind to what's happening around you in the present. How do you know we can't still be better friends? You obviously wanted to try again or else you wouldn't have said anything.

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

yeah, buy my inital post was really harsh. i don't want you to know who i am. and i am a girl. and you don't get along with girls.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Like honestly. How long ago did you talk to me? And this is being really childish. I don't care how harsh your post was. I care that you're playing games. Is this Jennie Sexton? And if I was right would you even tell me? I'm having a hard enough time dealing with things in my life that I don't need to sit here and try to rack my brain as to who this is. So why don't you just save me the trouble and tell me who you are.

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

no. i'm not really a girl. i just knew you didn't like girls. i'm a guy and just really dorky. i had the biggest crush on you.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Why are you doing this? Do you think it's fun to play games with me? You read my journal. You know that I'm having a hard enough time right now that I don't need to be messed with by someone in my past. So I'm going to ask you one last time. Please tell me who you are.

Re: I'm not sure...

[(Anonymous)]

i went to salesian and i am leaving it at that. goodbye.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Well. That was... uhm. I don't know what that was. I'm sorry you don't feel like you can talk to me or whatever but you can still IM when you find your inner warrior. For now. Because of you. I'm turning off anonymous posting. And I traced your IP address so if I really wanted to find you. I could.

I still think you should just come out with it. Hell if you feel better. e-mail me and tell me.

Dragonreleasedwithen@yahoo.com

Peace.

Re: I'm not sure...

[thetrader.livejournal.com]

You're so dumb. How can you expect someone to just write about EVERYTHING that's going on in her life? People tend to write in their journals when they're in a bad mood or facing a tough dilemma, and usually don't write about the GOOD stuff going on, so hence you only THINK that Jessica's life is unstable because you read mostly "dilemma" posts.

Don't judge others until you know the WHOLE story, fucker.

Re: I'm not sure...

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Jason hunny :) put the fangs n talons away... This person probably has little experience with LJ.

Though I totally agree with you on the content of my journal I don't think we should insult the person.

Thanks for stickin up for me :)