" Wonderboy, won't you take me away from the Mucky Muck Man?... " - Wonderboy by Tenacious D.

[awesomesprout]

I think.....


I'm depressed. Again.

Fuck.

It's been a constant downward spiral for me lately and when I hit bottom I cracked again.

There are things I SHOULD be happy about. But... I'm not.

People keep asking me how I'm doing and if I'm ok.

NO! I'M NOT OK!!!

I've shut my brain down completely with the exception of basic thoughts. Eating, sleeping, drinking, pottying, etc.

I just don't want to think anymore. EVER AGAIN.

Thinking is deadly people. It really is. Brains are not gifts, they're weapons that are used against us.

Maybe I'll just get a lobotomy.

" But Jessica, you seemed so happy the last couple of days... what's wrong? We thought you were getting better? "

Ha. You think I can't FEIGN happiness for a few hours?

Please.

Comments

[hailingechoes.livejournal.com]

Blast! I was hoping that happiness was almost in grasp. In good time, milady, all in good time.

[thetrader.livejournal.com]

What exactly IS the problem? I don't mean to be rude or anything... But other than the passing of your father, I think you got it pretty darn lucky right now. You're healthy, you have a good boyfriend, you have a decent living situation going on, you have as good a chance as anyone else to go to college and do your own thing... I dunno... What IS the deal here?

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

I have no job. No money. I WILL be kicked out if I don't get a job. I have a lot of things emotionally that I'm dealing with right now. I feel like I'm failing in my life at everything I'm doing and as of recently my relationship is the only exception to that.

Just because I don't post all that's bothering me there's a lot going on that only a select few know about...

I CANNOT go to college right now.
I CANNOT do my own thing because I owe about 10 thousand dollars in debt along with whatever is left on my car.

I have a LOT going on. I just don't feel like telling the entire world about it...

[thetrader.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see... I still feel like you're a whole lot luckier than I am because at least you're dealing with something that you have some control and influence over; how things go for you comes down to your own determination and willpower. Accountability, you know? That alone is something to be happy about, believe me. In any case, you have my support.

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

I know what you're going through too Jason and I'm here for you like you've been here for me. We're each dealing with different problems on many different levels but they're still big parts of our lives... and all I can offer is my support, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

[thetrader.livejournal.com]

Thanks ya, babe. Let me know what I can do.

"I just don't feel like telling the entire world about it... "

[hailingechoes.livejournal.com]

Then just tell your friends