No. I'm not ok. But hey, I'm dealing...

[awesomesprout]

So yes. If you don't know. I'm probably not gonna tell you here. E-mail me if you want to know. But the way gossip and information spreads through my group of friends like wild fire I'm sure half the world knows.

I'm confused. I'm scared. I'm tired. I'm worried. I'm lonely. I'm hurt. I'm upset. I'm feeling low. I'm feeling very... I don't know anymore.

I have so many questions.

First off. I want to thank Johanna ( britgeekgirl ) for listening to me tonight. And for the waitress at Denny's who put it ever so simply. Guys suck. And here's why... thanks :) Mebbe I will leave and join the army for 6 months... but I couldn't leave my kitty for that and I'm pretty sure James would miss me.

I need time. I need affection. I need love. I need a lot of things. I need to just be held and not let go for a while. I just need to let it all out. If that means sobbing hysterically on someone's shoulder than so be it.

Sigh. I just... I don't know anymore.

Don't start yelling at James. And don't start saying bad things. This isn't his fault. And it's better that it's happening now than later. I need to learn if it's something I can accept.

Comments

[dicedork.livejournal.com]

I was also told that I could deal with poly or take the first train to alonesville. It's tough, but I dealt. You can too.

[koga.livejournal.com]

*ahem*

I didn't quite say thaaaaaaaaaaaat.

It was more like "Hon, I've given you two months of monogomy, wherein I have severed relationships that predate you, changed my actions and censored my thoughts so that you could be comfortable. When I did this, I told you it would be for a "short time, perhaps 2-3 months" so that you could aclimatize yourself to the situation AFTER you agreed to a poly style relationship with me. None of this should be a supprise."

AG.

[dicedork.livejournal.com]

You censored your thoughts? ;) Wow.

Irregardless of the sacrifices you made, or the time given to acclimate, the general gist *NOW* is that she can take it or leave it, right?

And I'm not making a value judgement of that ultimatum either way. People have to take care of themselves in relationships.

[uisge.livejournal.com]

Here's a good place to start. Make a list of what it would take for you to feel okay with all of this. Three nights a week alone? To always know where he is? To meet and like his OSOs? Whatever, write it down. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Also...what are the chances of you finding another love? It's often easier to deal with and easier to learn about if you're *not* feeling alone and scared and left out.

Ya know...

[shayd.livejournal.com]

I dunno what it is about this except to say--this should not be a public discussion, is my opinion. It's a matter that should stay between the two folks involved.

That's all. Two bits from everyone around James and Jess who have opinions ain't gonna help unless the opinions are solicited, and the gossip fairy and the amount of folks who have opinions on such matters are pretty huge. I got my own opinions but I'm not posting em here. :)