" Life is beautiful " - Cabaret

[awesomesprout]

I've had an epiphany. I really have.

Life. Is absolutely fucking amazing to me. It's so clear now. I... I can't believe how fucking stupid I've been. What a whiney little bitch I've been.

So my morning started off... well I'm gonna be honest here... my morning was shitty. Woke up to an empty bed :( ... got into a tiffy with James. Left the house angry and disappointed. OH well. Wah me.

So I'm driving to berkeley.. just singing to the radio. And not feeling bad if I run over someone who just ups and walks in front of me on telegraph.

I get to my friend's place and I get what I needed to get and I head home.

I put on 92.7 The Party. ( My all time favorite station on the radio )

And my favorite songs all start playing one after another. It's awesome!! So I'm dancing, singing, bumping my music uncomfortably loud.

And I'm driving on Claremont weaving through the curvy streets to get to the freeway.. just feeling sort of blah. Then it happens!

Some lady. In another green beetle going the opposite direction waves at me. Just because I have a green beetle. See normally I hate this kind of shit. But I didn't hate it this time. Instead.. I just laughed. I smiled the whole way home! And then the song that I just posted came on. And I smiled even bigger because I thought of James.

Then I finally realized everything. Life is fucking good.

Sure. I don't have a job or money or whatever. But other than that. I have NOTHING to bitch about.

People like me. They GENUINELY like ME. This is most amazing thing in the world to me. I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend. Friends who listen to my constant bitching and don't just say " ok enough.. " and leave. People who like me not for who I try to be but for who I am.

I'm alive! I'm healthy. I'm breathing. I'm a person with thoughts and ideas and skills and talents.

I have no reason to be down or angry or miserable or any of that bullshit.

What have I been doing? Well I can tell you what I HAVEN'T been doing. And that's waking up and looking at the little important and amazing things in life. The little joys.

Like just driving down a highway listening to your favorite song!

Or Getting kissed by someone who loves you

Or having a conversation with a friend.

Just the simple things that I've been ignoring all this time.

HALLELUJAH! I'm fucking ALIVE!

All that bullshit that I THOUGHT was important is nothing more than that... BULLSHIT.

Welcome to the NEW and IMPROVED Jessica doll. Accessories not included. :)

I'm still not healed but I am getting better.

Comments

[appletrees.livejournal.com]

You... are the ultimate VW commercial!

And don't you love epiphanies?

I'm very happy for you! :)

[britgeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yay!

One of the reasons I dig Taoism as much as I do is that it deals out some plain hard truths (of 'life can be shitty - cope, learn from it, and think proactively to avoid shittiness in future' type) but also because it never, for a second, lets go of the notion that the universe is a great place, full of beauty and wonder for everyone, even if they don't take the time to notice it.

:)

woo hoo!!!!!!

[gcwhitedevil.livejournal.com]

congrats!!!! i am very happy for you. isn't it just amazing how things can just come to you like that. it never ceases to amaze me. i am very gald for you and celebration is definitely in order, glad you came to realize these great things that you do have and the great things about you. ::hugs:: :)

[hailingechoes.livejournal.com]

I was foolish and used to wait for an apiphoney to occur because so many people have it strike them and then they feel so much better about everything. I realized a year or so ago that I can't expect it to happen but to appreciate it if it does. In other words you are lucky to have this one, but don't expect another... because how many get out of jail free cards are there in monopoly, and how likely is it that oyu'll get both before you reshuffle when playing with billions?

[thetrader.livejournal.com]

Ahh I'm really glad that you're finally seeing the Jessica that I'm seeing. You really are lucky, and don't you forget that. Well I'm not gonna run that whole "there are starving kids with AIDS in Africa so stop moping" crap on you, so I just wanna say I hope you'll stay on Livejournal forever and ever and ever. And ever. Never let anyone bring you down.