awesomesprout: (By mayoushka)
awesomesprout ([personal profile] awesomesprout) wrote2011-03-28 01:59 am

(no subject)

I can't sleep.

Lately, I've been feeling really down. Lonely.

I feel like I'm worthless. Like I have nothing to offer anyone.

I feel like I fail at everything I do and have done so for a long time. I fail at relationships and friendships.

I don't have the confidence in myself to accomplish things nor do I believe in myself enough to feel like I'm capable.

I never feel comfortable opening up to people because I really don't feel like anyone wants to hear my problems. Especially as I know a lot of people are having a hard time too.

Most of the time I feel like an outsider or that I don't really belong.

I don't understand a lot of things though I try really hard to. Especially with people.

I don't know how to make myself happy anymore. I don't know how to make other people happy.

I'm burnt out from struggling.

I'm broken and riddled with issues. I'm insecure and constantly fearful of rejection. I'm too afraid to let anyone in and when I do it backfires making me resentful and angry.

I care too much about making people like me and when they do I freak out and question everything pushing people away.

I search endlessly for love and acceptance but destroy any relationship that even remotely looks like it's going to work out.

When I sleep my dreams are filled with jealousy and betrayal and pain.

Anger and negativity make me uncomfortable and freak me out.

I don't know how to get over things and hold on for longer than I should.

I give too much of myself with little given in return.

I feel unattractive and like no one would ever want me because of my issues and my lack of accomplishment.

I need to go to sleep.

I don't even know why I'm doing this. I just needed an outlet, I guess.

[identity profile] 2011-03-28 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I understand the needing an outlet, and not having peeps freak out about it. Feel free to talk to me chika.

[identity profile] 2011-03-28 04:58 pm (UTC)(link)
And sorry we couldn't be available over the weekend.

[identity profile] 2011-03-28 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
no worries, I still had a blast on friday and there's always other weekends of trouble-making to be had.

[identity profile] 2011-03-28 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks, hun. I appreciate that a lot.

[identity profile] 2011-03-29 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
You're struggling with relationships the way other people are struggling with jobs; feeling inadequate, can't figure out what's going wrong or how to get out of the rut, wondering why other people can do this and you can''s difficult.

One of the things that I've learned is that relationships are a measure of what you can and can't live with. If the things you can't outweigh the things you can,it's time to go--or not get started in the first place. And remember, even if you have issues of your own, a partner is willing to work with you, and you him.

Just like in the job world, if you want to be successful, you have to keep going. Learn from your mistakes, take it slow, and keep trying. You will figure it out. Don't be afraid to take breaks along the way.