Oh hello there...
Oct. 22nd, 2007 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
awesomesproutI'm alive. Barely...
Note to self: Never.Drinking.Again.
It's been a rough week.
Car's back.. Yay.
Had a pretty productive weekend.
Went through the whole car ordeal. Came to work. Work was pretty unproductive. Got to leave about an hour early. Called up my friends Blake and Sammy. Coaxed them into hanging out with me.
Met up with them. Also, made plans with my friend Wendy for when she got off of work later that night.
Blake, Sammy and I ended up getting food at Mel's in Berkeley and just hanging out. After that, I drove to Fremont and spent the night at Wendy's.
Slept in. Oh my god. The bed in Wendy's guest room is the greatest bed ever! Got up and went with Wendy to her hair appointment. After that, we decided to go to the mall just to wander around. I ended up buying two new strapless bras at Lane Bryant because they were buy one get one 1/2 off. And the underwire had broken in my only strapless bra. :(
After that we checked out torrid and got lunch. Farted around hot topic a little bit and then I got my eyebrows waxed. That was good times. I don't know what the girl did but when she peeled the thing off I swear to god it felt like I got punched in the face! I was like OW! WHAT THE SHIT?! :: throb throb throb ::
It sucked :) But my eyebrows look awesome! :) Yay :)
Wendy and I were running late so we bolted back to Fremont so I could run back to Berkeley and she could go do her thang.
I got to Berkeley and picked up my friend Blake so we could go to this Horror Film Fest that was being put on by local film makers. I don't like horror films but I know that I need to branch out if I'm going to work in the movie industry and get accustomed to all movie genres.
The festival was held at this really cool place called Berkeley Community Media. I guess they're like this Berkeley public access station. You pay $60 a year and you can use their studio and their equipment to shoot your own stuff and then you can broadcast it on their public access stations and it also streams on their website. It's pretty freaking cool. My friends and I are talking about making some stuff to put up there. :)
The movies were pretty good too :) Some of them were kind of fucked up and disturbing. But ah well. Thems tha breaks.
My friend Sierra met up with us there too. Afterwards, we followed her to Richmond to meet up with some of her friends to eat lots of cupcakes, play apples to apples, and just have an all around good time. :)
Blake and I had a really funny exchange. Sierra's friend lives in Point Richmond. And couple of their other friends were visiting from Sac. We were getting out of the car and I was like..
" Ya know. This is like... a scene out of a movie or something. It's one of those crazy college nights were the people in the film end up at some crazy druggie pad where there's hella people in there drinking and partying and it's kind of weird but like.. you just end up there and just go with it. And you know like.. in this case they're making cupcakes or whatever. "
So Blake just sort of laughed and we headed into the apartment.
Which was nothing like what I just described. It was just a typical geek pad. Pretty low key. And there was just a few peeps makin' cupcakes and decorating them. :)
And Blake stands there and says, " Wait. So they really were just making cupcakes? "
I'm cracking up laughing because I guess from my description he thought we were going into to some crazy party or something :) Way funny.
We hung out there for a few hours and then Blake and I left so I could take him home cuz we were both way tired.
I dropped him off and went home.
Slept in and called my uncle when I woke up. I got ready and he picked me up. We went to Target and had lunch. I'm such a geek. I bought the 2-disc special edition transformers movie. The dvd case transforms into this big optimus prime! Squee!! :) :: geek geek geek :: Yah.. So that was my geek moment :)
I got a call from Sierra's friends from the previous night to hang out with them in Berkeley.
My uncle dropped me off and I headed back into Berkeley to meet up with them. Unfortunately, most of everything closes really early on Sundays so we just ended up getting food and heading home.
I headed over to Alameda to hang out with my friend Jen during her last hour of work and then we went over to Angelica's restuarant for dinner and to go out afterwards.
We went to this place in Piedmont called the Kona Club which is kind of like this Tiki Bar place. I guess they go there every Sunday. It was soooo much fun.
Unfortunately, I ate a pretty big dinner, and then drank a fair amount of booze in a short amount of time. So yah. I'm guilty of throwing up in the alley behind the bar that night. Ew.
That was awful by the way.
Got dropped off at my car and my now sober ass drove home and went to bed.
So yah. I haven't talked to Mike in exactly a week now. The last contact we had was via e-mail. He had e-mailed me a week ago on Sunday and told me he was sorry. I told him that I didn't believe him anymore and that all he did was lie. Also I said that words didn't mean anything and that actions are everything. He said that he wasn't lying. I then told him that he had everything and that there was nothing left for him. He said he was sorry and that he wouldn't bother me anymore. I asked him why he still talked to me when he'd already moved on to another Gf. I said that he'd hurt me so much and I hadn't done anything to him.
He never responded.
Well.
I feel like I'm basically starting over with this whole " getting over it " process. I'm depressed again. Miserable.
I've had dreams about him every night for the last 5 days in a row. Dreams ranging from him calling me and me not knowing whether or not to answer the phone. To me seeing him with his GF somewhere and yelling at him or being totally upset by it. Etc.
Well.. here's the fun part. Tomorrow is his birthday. And I'm totally miserable about that. I guess the Rocky folks are celebrating it the same way it was celebrated last year ( eating out and watching nightmare before christmas ) but this time they're doing it at the AMC in Emeryville which is about a minute from my school. So yay for him and I being in the same area around the same time.
My heart sank when I found that out.
Fuck.. you know what? Yah. I still miss him. I miss him so much you guys. But I don't miss what he became. I miss the person that I met and fell in love with. Not the monster that treated me like crap. Not the evil, lying beast that he let out and let rule him for the latter part of our relationship.
I totally broke down yesterday and cried on the phone to missy because I'm just so depressed about all of this. Because I'm still so hurt. Still so upset that it didn't work out.
Yah, I know I'm a strong person and better than all of this. etc. etc. etc. But before he changed he was an amazing person. We had an awesome time together and we were so happy.
But then it all turned and it never came back.
And now he and everything are totally out of control.
I just wish I didn't know the good things that I was missing. The better side of him. I wish I never had to see all that ugly.
But he is who he is and I guess I was going to see it eventually, right?
Sigh.
I'm sorry to see it all happen the way it did.
It never had to be like that. Ya know?
Wake up call by Maroon 5
I didn't hear what you were saying
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions never maybe
And I'm not kind if you betray me
So who the hell are you to say we
Never would have made it babe
If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I'm taking love
And it's not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don't say a word
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Care about me?
I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here? I don't think so.
[Breakdown]
Would have bled to make you happy
You didn't need to treat me that way
And now you beat me at my own game
And now I find you sleeping soundly
And your lovers screaming loudly
Hear a sound and hit the ground
[Bridge]
If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I’m taking love
And it’s not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What’s coming now
So don’t say a word
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here?
I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad
[Breakdown]
I'm so sorry darling
Did I do the wrong thing?
Oh, what was I thinking?
Is his heart still beating?
Woah oh ohh
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here? I don’t feel so bad
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don’t you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don’t think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won’t come around here anymore
No, he won’t come around here. I don’t feel so bad
I don’t feel so bad (Wake up call)
I don’t feel so bad (Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed)
I don’t feel so bad (Don’t you care about me anymore?)
Care about me? I don’t feel so bad.
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Note to self: Never.Drinking.Again.
It's been a rough week.
Car's back.. Yay.
Had a pretty productive weekend.
Went through the whole car ordeal. Came to work. Work was pretty unproductive. Got to leave about an hour early. Called up my friends Blake and Sammy. Coaxed them into hanging out with me.
Met up with them. Also, made plans with my friend Wendy for when she got off of work later that night.
Blake, Sammy and I ended up getting food at Mel's in Berkeley and just hanging out. After that, I drove to Fremont and spent the night at Wendy's.
Slept in. Oh my god. The bed in Wendy's guest room is the greatest bed ever! Got up and went with Wendy to her hair appointment. After that, we decided to go to the mall just to wander around. I ended up buying two new strapless bras at Lane Bryant because they were buy one get one 1/2 off. And the underwire had broken in my only strapless bra. :(
After that we checked out torrid and got lunch. Farted around hot topic a little bit and then I got my eyebrows waxed. That was good times. I don't know what the girl did but when she peeled the thing off I swear to god it felt like I got punched in the face! I was like OW! WHAT THE SHIT?! :: throb throb throb ::
It sucked :) But my eyebrows look awesome! :) Yay :)
Wendy and I were running late so we bolted back to Fremont so I could run back to Berkeley and she could go do her thang.
I got to Berkeley and picked up my friend Blake so we could go to this Horror Film Fest that was being put on by local film makers. I don't like horror films but I know that I need to branch out if I'm going to work in the movie industry and get accustomed to all movie genres.
The festival was held at this really cool place called Berkeley Community Media. I guess they're like this Berkeley public access station. You pay $60 a year and you can use their studio and their equipment to shoot your own stuff and then you can broadcast it on their public access stations and it also streams on their website. It's pretty freaking cool. My friends and I are talking about making some stuff to put up there. :)
The movies were pretty good too :) Some of them were kind of fucked up and disturbing. But ah well. Thems tha breaks.
My friend Sierra met up with us there too. Afterwards, we followed her to Richmond to meet up with some of her friends to eat lots of cupcakes, play apples to apples, and just have an all around good time. :)
Blake and I had a really funny exchange. Sierra's friend lives in Point Richmond. And couple of their other friends were visiting from Sac. We were getting out of the car and I was like..
" Ya know. This is like... a scene out of a movie or something. It's one of those crazy college nights were the people in the film end up at some crazy druggie pad where there's hella people in there drinking and partying and it's kind of weird but like.. you just end up there and just go with it. And you know like.. in this case they're making cupcakes or whatever. "
So Blake just sort of laughed and we headed into the apartment.
Which was nothing like what I just described. It was just a typical geek pad. Pretty low key. And there was just a few peeps makin' cupcakes and decorating them. :)
And Blake stands there and says, " Wait. So they really were just making cupcakes? "
I'm cracking up laughing because I guess from my description he thought we were going into to some crazy party or something :) Way funny.
We hung out there for a few hours and then Blake and I left so I could take him home cuz we were both way tired.
I dropped him off and went home.
Slept in and called my uncle when I woke up. I got ready and he picked me up. We went to Target and had lunch. I'm such a geek. I bought the 2-disc special edition transformers movie. The dvd case transforms into this big optimus prime! Squee!! :) :: geek geek geek :: Yah.. So that was my geek moment :)
I got a call from Sierra's friends from the previous night to hang out with them in Berkeley.
My uncle dropped me off and I headed back into Berkeley to meet up with them. Unfortunately, most of everything closes really early on Sundays so we just ended up getting food and heading home.
I headed over to Alameda to hang out with my friend Jen during her last hour of work and then we went over to Angelica's restuarant for dinner and to go out afterwards.
We went to this place in Piedmont called the Kona Club which is kind of like this Tiki Bar place. I guess they go there every Sunday. It was soooo much fun.
Unfortunately, I ate a pretty big dinner, and then drank a fair amount of booze in a short amount of time. So yah. I'm guilty of throwing up in the alley behind the bar that night. Ew.
That was awful by the way.
Got dropped off at my car and my now sober ass drove home and went to bed.
So yah. I haven't talked to Mike in exactly a week now. The last contact we had was via e-mail. He had e-mailed me a week ago on Sunday and told me he was sorry. I told him that I didn't believe him anymore and that all he did was lie. Also I said that words didn't mean anything and that actions are everything. He said that he wasn't lying. I then told him that he had everything and that there was nothing left for him. He said he was sorry and that he wouldn't bother me anymore. I asked him why he still talked to me when he'd already moved on to another Gf. I said that he'd hurt me so much and I hadn't done anything to him.
He never responded.
Well.
I feel like I'm basically starting over with this whole " getting over it " process. I'm depressed again. Miserable.
I've had dreams about him every night for the last 5 days in a row. Dreams ranging from him calling me and me not knowing whether or not to answer the phone. To me seeing him with his GF somewhere and yelling at him or being totally upset by it. Etc.
Well.. here's the fun part. Tomorrow is his birthday. And I'm totally miserable about that. I guess the Rocky folks are celebrating it the same way it was celebrated last year ( eating out and watching nightmare before christmas ) but this time they're doing it at the AMC in Emeryville which is about a minute from my school. So yay for him and I being in the same area around the same time.
My heart sank when I found that out.
Fuck.. you know what? Yah. I still miss him. I miss him so much you guys. But I don't miss what he became. I miss the person that I met and fell in love with. Not the monster that treated me like crap. Not the evil, lying beast that he let out and let rule him for the latter part of our relationship.
I totally broke down yesterday and cried on the phone to missy because I'm just so depressed about all of this. Because I'm still so hurt. Still so upset that it didn't work out.
Yah, I know I'm a strong person and better than all of this. etc. etc. etc. But before he changed he was an amazing person. We had an awesome time together and we were so happy.
But then it all turned and it never came back.
And now he and everything are totally out of control.
I just wish I didn't know the good things that I was missing. The better side of him. I wish I never had to see all that ugly.
But he is who he is and I guess I was going to see it eventually, right?
Sigh.
I'm sorry to see it all happen the way it did.
It never had to be like that. Ya know?
Wake up call by Maroon 5
I didn't hear what you were saying
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions never maybe
And I'm not kind if you betray me
So who the hell are you to say we
Never would have made it babe
If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I'm taking love
And it's not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don't say a word
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Care about me?
I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here? I don't think so.
[Breakdown]
Would have bled to make you happy
You didn't need to treat me that way
And now you beat me at my own game
And now I find you sleeping soundly
And your lovers screaming loudly
Hear a sound and hit the ground
[Bridge]
If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I’m taking love
And it’s not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What’s coming now
So don’t say a word
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here?
I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad
[Breakdown]
I'm so sorry darling
Did I do the wrong thing?
Oh, what was I thinking?
Is his heart still beating?
Woah oh ohh
[Chorus]
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don't think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here? I don’t feel so bad
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don’t you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don’t think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won’t come around here anymore
No, he won’t come around here. I don’t feel so bad
I don’t feel so bad (Wake up call)
I don’t feel so bad (Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed)
I don’t feel so bad (Don’t you care about me anymore?)
Care about me? I don’t feel so bad.
Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 01:02 am (UTC)I guess I don't know why someone who has acted pretty much EXACTLY the same for how many years, would act any different with me. Also, if anything I think it's just getting worse and not getting better in terms of behaviour.
And yes. We all know how hard Jessica stives to be " punk rawk " :) I think I've come to the conclusion that if puking up mexican food and midori sours is the way to being punk rock I have one thing to say to that.
Fuck that noise. That shit's for the birds.
;)
In other news. I'm appearantly off of work tomorrow and pretty much only have class from 3-? since it's my final I'll probably be done really early.
Wanna hang out?
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 01:42 am (UTC)