Hey, isn't that Jessica?

Well hello everyone.

Look at that.. I'm still around... well.. barely.

See here's what's been up with little ol' me.

I got fired last tuesday. I was sick the week before and they told me that I was unreliable so they let me go.

I didn't make a scene. I didn't cry. I didn't do anything but pack up my stuff and walk out with my dignity in tact.

I cried on my way to berkeley to pick up Loren.

I called him and told him while I was on my way over there. He told me not to cry. That those assholes weren't worth my tears. That I was miserable and the job was shit.

I agreed with him and stopped crying.

I waited for him to get off work. He took a few minutes and snuck out of work and gave me a big hug and some Manga to read in the car while I waited. He told me that he was gonna take me out that night and we were gonna have dinner and just forget the day ever happened.

So he got off work and we went and got the Old Spagetti Factory. And then we went home.

I spent the rest of the week there. I told my grandma, dave and missy, some friends and my aunt that I'd lost my job.

My grandma told me: " Ah well. Sucks to be you. Better get to steppin and take care of yo' shit.. " ( edited for demographic lingo )

Dave and Missy: " No rent, no stay. Start lookin for something and show us some progress. " ( They weren't mean about it and I totally understand. )

My friends: " Bastards. That job was shit anyway. "

My aunt: " So... now that you're not busy... wanna come visit for a few days? Maybe you should think about moving to texas with the family and going to college. "

Texas.

Texas.

Texas.

Then my uncle in Texas called me...

Uncle: " Look. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. I've been in the same position you have. I had to leave Texas to move to california to get my life back in order. Make the choice when you're ready but just remember, I've been there so even if everyone else tells you to do it. At least bear in mind that I understand how you feel about leaving your friends and life behind for a few years. So if you come to Texas, I want you to do it because YOU want to do it. Not because you have to. If you come. YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! We won't make you work more than you need to just to cover your bills. You have to focus on getting a degree. We'll help you however we can. So keep me posted. "

I've been given 3 options at this point in my life.

1. Try for unemployment. If I don't make it. Option 2.

2. Get a job and fast. Something to cover bills n such for now and then move up to something better when things become more stable.

3. Go to Texas. Live rent free. Just make sure my car payments and cellphone are paid. I'd go just for the sole purpose of attending college. I have to make the decision within the next 2 months. My aunt said she'll take my cat. Fuck. I'm so scared.

I want to go to Texas. I really REALLY do. But I have my whole life here. My friends, Loren ( well.. that's it own thing. more later. ), comfort, etc.

I know I have responsibilities to take care of.

So this is what I've decided.

Right now: File for unemployment. Start looking for some little job somewhere if unemployment doesn't work out. And then come mid-august make my decision for Texas.

What's stopping me from just packin mah shizznit and heading over to the Lonestar State this instant?

The fact that I'm waiting to see what's going to happen with Loren.

He's going to Europe in the beginning of August to make the final decision of what his deal is with Mariesa. Basically he's never spent as long as he's going to spend in Europe with her. He's going for 2 weeks. If they can't get along for 2 weeks then he's finally going to accept that it just isn't going to work. And then we'll see where we're at.

And truthfully I'm waiting that long to decide about Texas because it is a big decision and I want to make sure that it's what I really want. So no, it's not all about Loren. So stop writing the " Don't wait for a guy etc.etc. " speeches :)

So yah.

There you have it.

I'm not going to be around a computer much for the next week but I can still check e-mail with my cellphone so feel free to respond or whatever.

I miss everyone and I'm sorry i've been distant. I just have major life decisions to make right now and not a lot of time to make them.

I love you all.

And I appreciate everyone for being the wonderful people that they are :)

Seeya.

P.S.

I'll keep my improv show dates posted.