This sort of relates... but it's take MORE of a chance... don't mind me.. It's Just Jessica

Take a Chance on Me by Erasure:


If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, and I'll be around
If you've got no place to go, when you're feeling down

If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking
As long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking
Get to know you better

'Cause you know I've got so much that I wanna do
When I dream I'm alone with you, it's magic!
You wanted to leave me there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know, that I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, and I'll be around
If you've got no place to go, when you're feeling down

If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
Take a chance on me

Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry
I know I'm gonna get ya
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry
I ain't gonna let ya

Let me tell you now: my love is strong enough
To last when things are rough, it's magic!
You say that I waste my time, but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go, 'cause I love you so

Hopping in
If you like what you're seeing take a chance with me, ya!
You won't be grabbed, if you're feeling horny
Well, you've passes so you got to know this precious property
I don't know the lads, so call me MC K
Nobody sits, understand me clearly
However hard he try, could he never own me
We all fit nice and just move freely
Special K, what he says all said carefully
Me not sit all along and just wait by phone
Not call me 'cause me never, never home ya
Machinegun as we get the wrong one
Master Mark, master Paul, mister Luke and John
If we like what we see we chance a situation
Nothing don't pay nothing, maybe see what follow on
What a Jill may do if the right man come?
Hey reagge boat, come we just have a little fun!
Go now!

Baba-ba-ba-ba, baba-baba-ba-baba
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

OK this is how I'm gonna work this....

First: I'm going to post this song for James.
Then I'm going to post it and write the entry I'm dying to write.

If you're not the one by Daniel Bedingfield:

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

" Life is beautiful " - Cabaret

I've had an epiphany. I really have.

Life. Is absolutely fucking amazing to me. It's so clear now. I... I can't believe how fucking stupid I've been. What a whiney little bitch I've been.

So my morning started off... well I'm gonna be honest here... my morning was shitty. Woke up to an empty bed :( ... got into a tiffy with James. Left the house angry and disappointed. OH well. Wah me.

So I'm driving to berkeley.. just singing to the radio. And not feeling bad if I run over someone who just ups and walks in front of me on telegraph.

I get to my friend's place and I get what I needed to get and I head home.

I put on 92.7 The Party. ( My all time favorite station on the radio )

And my favorite songs all start playing one after another. It's awesome!! So I'm dancing, singing, bumping my music uncomfortably loud.

And I'm driving on Claremont weaving through the curvy streets to get to the freeway.. just feeling sort of blah. Then it happens!

Some lady. In another green beetle going the opposite direction waves at me. Just because I have a green beetle. See normally I hate this kind of shit. But I didn't hate it this time. Instead.. I just laughed. I smiled the whole way home! And then the song that I just posted came on. And I smiled even bigger because I thought of James.

Then I finally realized everything. Life is fucking good.

Sure. I don't have a job or money or whatever. But other than that. I have NOTHING to bitch about.

People like me. They GENUINELY like ME. This is most amazing thing in the world to me. I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend. Friends who listen to my constant bitching and don't just say " ok enough.. " and leave. People who like me not for who I try to be but for who I am.

I'm alive! I'm healthy. I'm breathing. I'm a person with thoughts and ideas and skills and talents.

I have no reason to be down or angry or miserable or any of that bullshit.

What have I been doing? Well I can tell you what I HAVEN'T been doing. And that's waking up and looking at the little important and amazing things in life. The little joys.

Like just driving down a highway listening to your favorite song!

Or Getting kissed by someone who loves you

Or having a conversation with a friend.

Just the simple things that I've been ignoring all this time.

HALLELUJAH! I'm fucking ALIVE!

All that bullshit that I THOUGHT was important is nothing more than that... BULLSHIT.

Welcome to the NEW and IMPROVED Jessica doll. Accessories not included. :)

I'm still not healed but I am getting better.