Eh.

[awesomesprout]

So last night. I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning. Waking up.

I finally broke down and called Loren.

I left him a message.

After I left him the message I just sort of laid there.

Thinking.

My brain wouldn't shut off.

I kept thinking about how much I hate this whole situation and how I could leave but I choose not to.

How I could inevitably be REALLY hurt by what will happen in the end but for some reason I continue to stick it through.

Emotional masochist or just hopelessly in love?

Hopelessly in love.

Drives me crazy.

I don't understand how someone could have the opportunity of their dreams ( Loren having the ball in his court to make the decision now ) and STILL be unable to figure out what he wants.

I hate lack of logic.

I just want it to be over.

I wish I could stop myself from getting jealous of him being with her. But it's hard for me to think logically and rationally when so many things are up in the air.

I need clarity and I need closure.

I'm going to have a little talk with Loren tonight and we're going to settle this.



My first Improv show is on the 12th. BUT it's more of a rehearsal with an audience.

so my

FIRST OFFICIAL IMPROV SHOW!!!!!

IS ON JUNE 19th!!!!

( when I know times n stuff.. I'll let ya know)