yah. I'm still around...

[awesomesprout]

not happy. but around.

life has been a monkey and throwing shit at me lately.

but. I'm somewhat surviving.

I'm feeling more and more like I'm going to crack and revert to what I was a year ago.

This will not happen again.

I broke down on break at my class last night.. I was sobbing.. almost to the point of hysterics.

I'm losing focus for things and my desires to accomplish my goals are depleting. God, I hope this funk ends soon.

If you ask me what's wrong. I probably won't tell you. I don't like talking about my feelings.

Did you know that I have a fear of rejection? Yah. a HUGE fear of rejection. That's why I hang out with my friends so much. I'm terrified that one day people just won't want to hang out with me anymore.

That's why I act so confident all the time. People are drawn to that.

I've always felt like I was falling behind everyone else. Like, everyone else was much more organized and on top of things. And I was always getting tripped up.

Loren calls me a total fatalist.

He's right. I always expect the worst. Lessen the blow that way. And makes the good that much better.

I don't know where I'm going with this... just venting.