I'm in the parking lot of starbucks and reading this crap.
Some my friends, some people I don't know. Some people I would like to know. All with opinions. Some, most of which are casting me as an evil villian casting down unfair rules and generaly being a prick based on one side of the story.
Because I do not post this crap in my own LJ, because I do not spill my secrets, my life to those around me. I keep it inside and internalized.
THe situation in question is a prime example.
THe rule that was "broken" was one about my house, my space. My TERRITORY. I am territorial. Yes. My shineys, go away. When I first got together with JEssica, I blinked and two months later, she hadn't left in a single night.
This was angering my roommate and driving me nuts. I need to be alone. I don't want to feel like a 'bad guy' when I ask someone to spend a night at THIER house, away from me. I want to sprawl in my god damned bed which I bought extra big for that reason. I want to walk around naked, scratch myself, write private things without someone watching me, without feeling the need to entertain.
Dave reminded me about the "Three Day Rule". Which states, simply, that noone may spend more than three nights a week at our house, be they lover or god himself. Last I checked, this was a very simple, non complex rule. Yet, this rule was ignored. Quote "Its your rule, I don't like it, so if I can avoid it, I'm going to ignore it and break it."
I need my rules, when I Do set them, to be respected. I set rules in a backwards fashion usualy. In responce to a NEED. If you don't respect my BOUNDRIES I do not feel *I* am respected. If I am not respected, valued, what the FUCK am I in this relationship for?
Yet, this rule, simple though it may be, was repetedly ignored or broken. Admittedly, I allowed it to happen, letting myself be swayed by lines of logic or making deals with her. "Sure... 4 nights this week, two next week". But two next week never came. The final straw was when a good friend of mine needed a ride to the airport, and Jessica agreed. THe night that came up, I called jessica to see if she was still available. The quote, and I remember this BLOODLY CLEARLY was "I'll take him only if I can spend the the night."
That would have been 6 days in a row. Three she took up front, 1 more because she had work ass-early and near to my house, the 5th I don't remember why. I snapped. It was a slap in the face, to barter with my friend's ride that she had allready offered.
So I suspended the three day rule, and went to a "When I invite you the FUCK over or you ASK and I agree" rule. The agreed time to ask by was 6pm, or assume the answer to be "No" and make plans accordingly.
Yesterday, I worked just over 13 hours. I came home and went to sleep. I woke up and she was there. I went back to sleep. I woke up at midnight with her asking me for pillows... and I twigged on that.
"Um... are you spending the night?"
"Well, you were asleep..."
"And this means what?"
So yes. I stated my boundry and I stuck to it. If I'm evil or prickish for that... FUCK OFF. Seriously. Take a flying fuck. I'm TIRED of sitting in my corner, not spilling my side of this little drama to the world, being the better man, and being seen as all that is emotionaly abusive and evil.
no subject
I'm in the parking lot of starbucks and reading this crap.
Some my friends, some people I don't know. Some people I would like to know. All with opinions. Some, most of which are casting me as an evil villian casting down unfair rules and generaly being a prick based on one side of the story.
Because I do not post this crap in my own LJ, because I do not spill my secrets, my life to those around me. I keep it inside and internalized.
THe situation in question is a prime example.
THe rule that was "broken" was one about my house, my space. My TERRITORY. I am territorial. Yes. My shineys, go away. When I first got together with JEssica, I blinked and two months later, she hadn't left in a single night.
This was angering my roommate and driving me nuts. I need to be alone. I don't want to feel like a 'bad guy' when I ask someone to spend a night at THIER house, away from me. I want to sprawl in my god damned bed which I bought extra big for that reason. I want to walk around naked, scratch myself, write private things without someone watching me, without feeling the need to entertain.
Dave reminded me about the "Three Day Rule". Which states, simply, that noone may spend more than three nights a week at our house, be they lover or god himself. Last I checked, this was a very simple, non complex rule. Yet, this rule was ignored. Quote "Its your rule, I don't like it, so if I can avoid it, I'm going to ignore it and break it."
I need my rules, when I Do set them, to be respected. I set rules in a backwards fashion usualy. In responce to a NEED. If you don't respect my BOUNDRIES I do not feel *I* am respected. If I am not respected, valued, what the FUCK am I in this relationship for?
Yet, this rule, simple though it may be, was repetedly ignored or broken. Admittedly, I allowed it to happen, letting myself be swayed by lines of logic or making deals with her. "Sure... 4 nights this week, two next week". But two next week never came. The final straw was when a good friend of mine needed a ride to the airport, and Jessica agreed. THe night that came up, I called jessica to see if she was still available. The quote, and I remember this BLOODLY CLEARLY was "I'll take him only if I can spend the the night."
That would have been 6 days in a row. Three she took up front, 1 more because she had work ass-early and near to my house, the 5th I don't remember why. I snapped. It was a slap in the face, to barter with my friend's ride that she had allready offered.
So I suspended the three day rule, and went to a "When I invite you the FUCK over or you ASK and I agree" rule. The agreed time to ask by was 6pm, or assume the answer to be "No" and make plans accordingly.
Yesterday, I worked just over 13 hours. I came home and went to sleep. I woke up and she was there. I went back to sleep. I woke up at midnight with her asking me for pillows... and I twigged on that.
"Um... are you spending the night?"
"Well, you were asleep..."
"And this means what?"
So yes. I stated my boundry and I stuck to it. If I'm evil or prickish for that... FUCK OFF. Seriously. Take a flying fuck. I'm TIRED of sitting in my corner, not spilling my side of this little drama to the world, being the better man, and being seen as all that is emotionaly abusive and evil.
AG.
"Caw MOTHERFUCKEN Caw."