" If I could tell the world just one thing.. it would be we're all ok... " - Jewel

[awesomesprout]

So I'm happy with James and I'm happy with myself.

I made a post a day or so ago saying that I've had to change in this relationship. Lemme explain this change. Everyone saw that statement and starting freaking out. Why don't you wait til something's dead before you pounce on it?

I've changed for the better. I'm learning things that I never knew before.

I never had respect for other people's things or really for other people before I met James. I pretty much did what I wanted and then would wonder why people would get so pissed off. James made it very clear to me that I don't respect others at all. So I'm working on that.

I'm a selfish attention whore. This much I already knew. But I'm learning that everything isn't about me ( No it's all about James, haha just kiddin ) but that it's a two person thing. And all my wants aren't always whats important at that moment. I'm not gonna get everything I want. And I accept this. And I don't need to spend 24 hours a day with James just to be reassured that he loves me. Because I know he loves me. And Yes I love spending time with him but even moderation can be good :)

I'm less clingy. Which just like everything has it's time and it's place. It's just not an all the time thing.

Communication. I'm learning to do something I've NEVER done before. Prior to meeting James whenever I was in a situation where I didn't want to discuss how I was feeling ( usually all of the time ) I would just clam up, wait til the person was finished talking, and leave. I wouldn't utter a word. I'd keep everything inside and then wonder why people couldn't read my mind. It doesn't work like that and I'm learning to talk now.

I'm also learning that I need to break my posessive nature. Also to put some water on my jealous fires. And to just relax and breathe and to learn when to ask for reassurance not just expect it. Yes, I'm paranoid. Yes I have abandonment issues. Yes I smother. But I'm working on these things.

I'm also working on not assuming so much and asking more.

So that's just some of the ways I'm " changing " or working on myself. That wasn't so bad now was it? And yes, James has changed for me. I never said he didn't you folks just assumed that he didn't. He's made VERY large changes for me and for that, I'm grateful.



I love James. I really and truely love James. I haven't felt the way I do for him ever with anyone else. I haven't felt like someone was worth it enough to me for me to actually give a shit about my relationship.

Yes, I was with Allen for 2 years. But the actual love in our relationship faded long before that and it became a relationship more about convenience and security than anything else. And neither one of us wanted to admit that.

With James. It's different. It feels more real than my other relationships. It feels like I'm finally at a place where I can get the things I've wanted but have never gotten.

Everyday he always surprises me. And I like that. With my ex's everything was so predictable. It was boring.

The last couple of days I've spent with James have been nothing short of amazing.

We've had so much fun just being together. Most of the time was just spent hanging out.... watching movies... etc. Yesterday was the best :)

We slept in because James had the day off. We both woke up and just laid there snuggling, kissing, and being close.

Got up and got into a fight over something we hadn't fought about in a while. Finally, we talked it out and I made some things very clear to him that he didn't know. How I felt about certain things.

We then went out and got breakfast. BOTH Denny's and Carrows were closed so we went to the Denny's on Willow Pass :) Had HUGE breakfasts.

While we ate we did the word puzzles in the newspaper and just had a good time :)

Afterwards, we went to the bookstore and James got a book.

It was then time for BAD SANTA! :) So we headed over to the movie theater and watched it. It was my second time seeing it, it was James' first :)

Got home and James stated that he was hungry. I could already tell cuz he was starting to get grumpy. So I went out and got Old Spagetti Factory :) We ate dinner and just had time to ourselves for a while. Then it was time for bed. We snuggled and kissed and just enjoyed eachother's warmth and love.

So yes. I had a great time yesterday :)

So you see.... things aren't always what they seem :) And yes. I'm happy. And I'm not sure but I'm hoping that James is happy too. :)

Comments

[moonlightgdess.livejournal.com]

I made a post a day or so ago saying that I've had to change in this relationship. Lemme explain this change. Everyone saw that statement and starting freaking out. Why don't you wait til something's dead before you pounce on it?

I can see the pouncing, you made mention of crying and things being difficult, when I read it, it influenced me to think negatively because of everything surrounding it. Put lots of happy faces next to "change" next time! :) :) :) j/k. luv ya

[sproutchk.livejournal.com]

Yes because even if you're murdering someone with a spoon ;) as long as there are happy faces it's allllll good :) hehe :)