Nope. No more.

[awesomesprout]

I'm just tired.

And yah. I bitch, whine, piss, and moan a lot in my LJ. And I know that because I do this, not a lot of people even really read it anymore. They just sort of skim over to see if I've written anything different.

Things are terrible in my life. Maybe to me, they're catastrophic. But that's because I'm dealing with them. Not anyone else.

I'm finally in a solid and committed relationship with the person I wanted to be with. Yay, That's finally solved.

I'm doing fine in school.

I'm happy with the very small, intimate, and limited group of people that I call my close or best friends. There's about 2 of them that use LJ. The rest don't even have LJ's. They know who they are, I've made it pretty clear to them. And I'm sorry if you feel left out or what have you. But all in all those are the people I've remained the closest with.

I've dealt with too many high maintenance friends. And while they still talk shit about me they probably all fail to realize why we're no longer friends. And frankly, I could care less. If people want to know what happened, I'm always willing to tell them.

I've also dealt with the "I'm only your friend when it's conveniant for me" type of people. And they're a waste of my time as well.

And there are people who used to be my closest friends but have drifted. And yah. That happens too.

I'm of the belief that people are a part of your life for the time they are pre-destined to be there for. After that you go your seperate ways and meet other people. This world is far too large to dwell on why things went wrong with past people. Just learn from your mistakes and move on.

So now. I have and probably will have for a while, money problems. And that's what I have to deal with. Which is a result of past bad choices. But I'm surviving and that's fine with me. Simply because I know my hard work will pay off.

Over the last couple of months I've had a lot of emotional releases and I'm just spent. I don't really care about much anymore and probably won't until things are finally settled and I'm done with my works in progress.

I have to be a machine because if I'm not, I will get caught up in the things that don't matter.

And the things I feel matter, I'm always willing to give up my time for.

Call me selfish. Cold-hearted. Uncaring. Etc.

But think about why you're calling me that and see if you really mean it.

I've always tried to be there for people I care about but now it's time for me to think about myself. Because I'm the only one who's going to keep me afloat when it's time to sink or swim.

Also, it doesn't help that Brent ( my roommate ) is driving me crazy. I don't mind the fact that he's bored and has nothing better to do but clean. What I do mind, is when he cleans, he moves my things and doesn't return them. Also, he does my dishes. Which makes me feel uncomfortable as it is. But also, when he puts them away he puts them in the wrong place. And that annoys me to no end. So I'm probably going to tell him to do it right or don't do it at all because it's taking twice the work. I'm a grown-up and don't need someone to do my dishes. Plus, he does kind of a shitty job.

Loren and I have a lot of plans in the works. I might still be possibly going to NY with him. We're possibly going on a trip this weekend. He's bringing me as his girlfriend to a wedding for his friends. That's a biggie. There's a couple more maybe's in there so we'll see.

Loren is not moving in. He's already signed the lease at the other place. If his roommate wasn't allergic to animals I'd probably move in with him.

But oh well. Allergies take priority.

So whatever... I guess I wrote this because I'm becoming a hermit. And I don't really feel all that bad about it anymore.

And I feel like being selfish. And while I'll still help people where I can. I just think my good deeds will carry more meaning and be less frequent.

I'm gonna go make dinner and do my homework.

I'm just enjoying being alone more and more. Is that wrong?