Even on paxil I can still be mad...

[awesomesprout]

You know what... all of you who still even give a shit about my journal... probably no one reads this anymore.. but you know what, that's fuckin fine.. I don't care anyway. Yah, so they're trying to fuckin get rid of me at work. Which is fine, I hate that stupid job anyway... and it's like.... if they're gonna do it, just come out and do it, don't try to be all sneaky and shit about it... fucking dumb ass managers... then there's my fuckin paxil... I'm beginning to hate this shit... it's all ups and downs.. I feel like I'm gonna die from the crap or something... and it's like just when I feel like I'm gonna cry or be mad.. No!! It won't fucking let me.. BANG! Another jolt of seratonin for me and woo! I'm fucking happy again... like now.. I was just about to cry and it won't freaking let me!! Fuck THIS!! FUCK THIS!! FUCK THIS!! I HATE THIS SHIT!!! And friends... I'm sick of trying to be everyone's fucking friend. Ya know.. fucking nobody at my fucking office even gave me a passing glance until I died my hair blonde. Today it was " Hi " from fucking everyone in the office... oh yah, I change my looks and now I'm good enough for you to notice me. Fucking losers. And then there are people that I give a shit about... who just happen to find someone they like and I'm no longer on the planet... never answer my calls... never talk to me anymore... you know what Maya? Fine... if Melissa is what you want.. .then you can have her... I liked you goddamnit... but I have feelings too... yes, I do notice when you don't call me... yes I do get hurt when you're too busy to hang out with me... but that's fine... call me when you have some time for me.. .I'll always be here I always am for everyone... cuz I don't have any friends who I can go out with so I'll just be home... waiting for the phone to ring... god.. I am such a loser...no one ever realizes that when people turn me down to make plans... yes, I really do just sit at home and do nothing... well... whatever... just another fun filled night.. I'm probably not gonna go to work tomorrow... I can't think straight when I'm there anyway... so I'll just be at home... watching t.v. and enjoying the darkness. Goodbye all... call me if any people care anymore. You've got my number.. .and no I'm not being dramatic and I'm not asking for sympathy.. I'm just finally letting everyone know how I REALLY fucking feel. I'm out.