awesomesprout (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
awesomesprout) wrote2005-04-09 02:12 pm
awesomesprout) wrote2005-04-09 02:12 pm
Are you thinking of me, cuz I'm thinking of you...
Loren's alive :) He e-mailed me at about 3am ( my time ) this morning.
Said things are fine and that he misses me. Sigh. That really made my morning. :)
Every now and then I like to look at my cellphone because it has a world clock on it which is set to Paris right now. When I look at it I like to see what time it is over there and try and figure out what he might be doing.
I'm not weird. I just miss him.
On thursday I'll switch to London time.
It's only a week :)
I'm pretty lonely but I'm making lists every day to keep myself busy and so far its working.
Makes me realize things really aren't as bad as I make them out to be :)
I was talking to a really good friend of mine yesterday and after much delving we came the to conclusion that as of the last 6 or so months I've become deeply depressed.
I've been in denial and shrugged it off as being in a funk or having a bad day.
But no one who is just having a bad day should cry as much as I was on a daily basis.
Poor Loren. I probably made him miserable.
So after finally figuring out what's wrong I decided that before I make the unwanted trip to the Psych unit at Kaiser that I'd make a few changes in my life to see if I can't fix it myself this time.
And if I can't. Then I'll talk to a professional.
Currently, I have formulated a plan in terms of my career/schooling for the next 4 or so years. When completed I'll be in a field where I'll make about 65 - 70 thousand dollars a year.
It's going to be the biggest commitment I've ever made but it's going to pay off so big that I'd be stupid not to take the chance.
Next, I'm FINALLY doing something about my weight. I've stopped eating out. Only cooking at home. I bought those exercise dvd's yesterday which I'm going to start using tonight. And I'm going to finally conquer this addiction to food. It's not going to be easy but I will do it :) Big girls don't look good in scrubs.
I'm in the best mood I've been in in months!
Also, when Loren returns we're going to start planning more serious directions for our relationship, hopefully. :)
I'm going to take this all slowly because I know if I don't, I'll rush and if something fails I'll be crushed.
In the words of Bill Murrey from the movie What about Bob? - " Baby steps... Baby steps... "
I'm also going to do some improvement on myself. Learn to deal with disappointments and rejections. Regain my confidence and self-esteem. And be the strong and determined person I once was! :)
The really does feel like the first day of the rest of my life. Geez. That really was cliche.
Said things are fine and that he misses me. Sigh. That really made my morning. :)
Every now and then I like to look at my cellphone because it has a world clock on it which is set to Paris right now. When I look at it I like to see what time it is over there and try and figure out what he might be doing.
I'm not weird. I just miss him.
On thursday I'll switch to London time.
It's only a week :)
I'm pretty lonely but I'm making lists every day to keep myself busy and so far its working.
Makes me realize things really aren't as bad as I make them out to be :)
I was talking to a really good friend of mine yesterday and after much delving we came the to conclusion that as of the last 6 or so months I've become deeply depressed.
I've been in denial and shrugged it off as being in a funk or having a bad day.
But no one who is just having a bad day should cry as much as I was on a daily basis.
Poor Loren. I probably made him miserable.
So after finally figuring out what's wrong I decided that before I make the unwanted trip to the Psych unit at Kaiser that I'd make a few changes in my life to see if I can't fix it myself this time.
And if I can't. Then I'll talk to a professional.
Currently, I have formulated a plan in terms of my career/schooling for the next 4 or so years. When completed I'll be in a field where I'll make about 65 - 70 thousand dollars a year.
It's going to be the biggest commitment I've ever made but it's going to pay off so big that I'd be stupid not to take the chance.
Next, I'm FINALLY doing something about my weight. I've stopped eating out. Only cooking at home. I bought those exercise dvd's yesterday which I'm going to start using tonight. And I'm going to finally conquer this addiction to food. It's not going to be easy but I will do it :) Big girls don't look good in scrubs.
I'm in the best mood I've been in in months!
Also, when Loren returns we're going to start planning more serious directions for our relationship, hopefully. :)
I'm going to take this all slowly because I know if I don't, I'll rush and if something fails I'll be crushed.
In the words of Bill Murrey from the movie What about Bob? - " Baby steps... Baby steps... "
I'm also going to do some improvement on myself. Learn to deal with disappointments and rejections. Regain my confidence and self-esteem. And be the strong and determined person I once was! :)
The really does feel like the first day of the rest of my life. Geez. That really was cliche.