Fuck my intuition....

So on 7/7/03... almost exactly a month ago I wrote an entry that said... something big was gonna happen. Well I wrote something wonderful was. It wasn't wonderful. I saw a dead body yesterday. That body was the former holder of the soul that once belonged to my father. My father... is dead. I was at work when I got the news. I almost passed out right there. I started sobbing hysterically. I was supposed to see my father for his birthday party on sunday. I didn't go. I flaked. I hadn't seen him in about 5 months. The last time I talked to him was last friday to tell him I was coming to the party. My family said he looked better at the party than he'd looked in ages. He had a massive stroke after falling unconcious yesterday afternoon. The firemen couldn't revive him with CPR. I haven't cried ever like I cried for him yesterday. He was the most amazing person I've ever met. He was a quadrapelegic... He was in a wheelchair. He was amazing. He could do anything. And then... about 7 or so month ago... he started getting sick. And he kept getting worse. But lately... he was getting better... he was talking about finally getting out of bed and being up and about for the first time in months. And then it all came to a grinding halt. It's over. No more pain. No more suffering. Nothing. I love you dad. May peace and angels be with you. We're going to have a thai funeral for him because as some of you may know my family is from thailand.......... yes we're white but well... it's a long story. If you guys need to get a hold of me you can do so by calling my cell phone.. 510-693-7476.... or e-mailing me at dragonreleasedwithen@yahoo.com.... I'm gonna be in walnut creek for the next few days with my family... they're letting me the main decision maker for what happens with him for the next couple days. Later all....

Love,
Jess


p.s.

Jason B. I don't know if thursday will work... I was trying to tell you this on the phone but I don't think you heard me... e-mail me... I want to get a tattoo in honor of my father so mebbe you can go with me sometime next week to get it. let me know. I'm sorry..