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Mar. 5th, 2003
Dear Castrating Harpy....
Mar. 5th, 2003 06:20 pmDear Castrating Harpy,
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I'm sorry – I just need space. I think you're totally keen, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm not. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like confessing my love for any of these things. Your favorite movie is The Bare Wench Project, and your favorite band is The Partridge Family. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally file restraining orders . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.
Stop Calling Me,
Jessica
P.S. It’s barely 4 inches - much less six.
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I'm sorry – I just need space. I think you're totally keen, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm not. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like confessing my love for any of these things. Your favorite movie is The Bare Wench Project, and your favorite band is The Partridge Family. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally file restraining orders . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.
Stop Calling Me,
Jessica
P.S. It’s barely 4 inches - much less six.