My decision.. the explination.
Jan. 18th, 2004 10:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
awesomesproutMy decision is this. I have decided to push james out of my life completely.
Even if I don't let them affect me. The things he says about this new " interest " of his are hurtful.
I'm beating myself up emotionally trying to figure out why her and not me.
I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
I don't NEED James in my life anymore.
He offers nothing positive to me and I can't keep killing myself to try to get his approval.
It's upsetting me to write this because I know how hard it's going to be for me.
How I will actually have to, for the first time in my life, use self control to not speak to someone.
I'll need my friends as I deal with this and I thank you guys in advance.
I feel like I'm breaking an addiction. Because that's what James is. An addiction.
And I'm starting to doubt my own willpower.
So. Just please. If I start to talk to you and I sound crazy. Just please be there for me.
Thank you.
Even if I don't let them affect me. The things he says about this new " interest " of his are hurtful.
I'm beating myself up emotionally trying to figure out why her and not me.
I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
I don't NEED James in my life anymore.
He offers nothing positive to me and I can't keep killing myself to try to get his approval.
It's upsetting me to write this because I know how hard it's going to be for me.
How I will actually have to, for the first time in my life, use self control to not speak to someone.
I'll need my friends as I deal with this and I thank you guys in advance.
I feel like I'm breaking an addiction. Because that's what James is. An addiction.
And I'm starting to doubt my own willpower.
So. Just please. If I start to talk to you and I sound crazy. Just please be there for me.
Thank you.
