awesomesprout (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
awesomesprout) wrote2004-01-02 01:16 pm
awesomesprout) wrote2004-01-02 01:16 pm
" Why don't you bring it on? " - Cool Baby by Dj HMX
Ok so first off this is how this post is gonna work. I'm going to make a small tribute. I'm gonna write my thoughts on Attention and then my thoughts on life priorities. The tribute is short and will be without a cut. The subjects following will have their own cuts.
* NOTE * Turn off your defensive meters because this isn't about anyone in particular. This isn't all about me. This isn't about my relationship. * NOTE *
My tribute.
I'd just like to say that I was reminded last night why I LOVE gay asian bois. Oh my god. Just. THEY ARE SO HOT!! Even the thuggish ones in the hip-hop room were like melt where I'm standing gorgeous. Oh man. I can't even begin to tell you. Oh wait. I just did. Ok, I'm done.
Attention.
To me attention is important. It's important because it's a part of everyday life. We all either have it. Don't get any. Have some and want more. Or have too much and want less. Either way, it's there.
See. I don't care who you are. I don't care who you THINK you are. You need attention. The amount needed is different from person to person but it's something humans need. Like when you go into a restaurant you EXPECT to be given all the attention in the world. It's just second-nature. And if you don't. You get angry. You needed to know that everything you wanted would be met and it would be met on your terms. Once again. That's different for everyone.
For me. I LOVE attention. I love being noticed. I love being talked to. I love feeling everyone's eyes on me. It's who I am. I like positive attention. And I admit. That probably stems from childhood. From not getting paid attention to when I was a kid. I was often left at home alone and when my family would get home I would do everything in my power to be noticed. It wasn't always good things either mind you. But I still got attention. Then I got into acting. I found a high that I'd never experienced before. Wait, so you mean this whole room of people are looking at just... me? Damn, where do I sign up?
Some people are the exact opposite. They like attention but only a little bit. They prefer to be noticed from behind the scenes. Be it shyness. Mousey demeanor. Whatever it may be, they still want attention on their terms.
But regardless of how much you want or what you do to get it. We all still need it. We need to know we're cared about. Wanted. We like to feel like we make an impact on the world somehow. And attention helps us feel that way. Sometimes we may have to just flat out ask for it and other times we stay silent and just let it happen. Either way. It's enjoyed in many ways.
And it's funny. You can just tell when someone isn't being given the attention they want. They change. Act out. Cry out. I had a friend in highschool. She was from Canada. She was really nice and had a lot going for her. When her family came to America they got busy with new jobs/school/etc. They started spending less time with her. So she started hanging out with the not so good crowds. Partying all the time. Her A average grades slipped. She started dressing differently. Attitude changed. Etc. All because she thought her parents didn't care anymore. She went to the people who did pay attention to her.
So people will go to where they feel like they're getting the things that are good for them. Even if they're not. All because they have a craving or a need that needs to be filled. And I'm talking about this all from an outlook that is my own. From what I see on a day to day basis. And it saddens me to see people just wanting to be noticed. Like when someone just randomly says hi to me on the street. It can totally make my day.
So who knows. This is just me going on and on. Feel free to comment or whatever. But remember folks. This is MY perspective. God. I really do hate that word. Anyway. I won't go on a tangent about that right now. I have other tangents to write :)
God. Family. Business.
That's the order of the three most important things in life according to my sales teacher from Automax. He said nothing else matters. And you NEVER put business before family and most importantly, God.
It got me to thinking. What are my priorities? And what order are they in? So here goes.
Myself. Fun. Happiness. Friends. Relationship. My animals. Family. Business. Money. Material Things. Sex.
There's probably a lot more that I can't list right now because my mind tends to blank during the most appropriate times. Like now.
So let's analyze this.
Myself: Well. I am of course the most important thing in my life. Above all else. There's me. Because when the battles have been fought. The challenges met. I'm still the only person who's going to be left with the consequences and the only person who has to sleep with me at night.
Fun: I need to have fun. I need to know that not everything is serious all the time. It sucks. It's draining. And I won't deal with it.
Happiness: Happiness is my fuel. It keeps me motivated to do anything. Be it the situation at the present may not be happy but as long as there is that hope it will get better. Then hey. That's all the motivation I need.
Friends: Friends are important to me. They've been there when my family hasn't. They've kept me sane. They've bailed me out. They've listened. They've slapped me when I needed it and made me laugh when I was down. My friends are very important to me. But as important as they are. They are not my deciding factor in everything. They're opinions and advice are important but that's not what rules my life. In the end, after all that advice and those opinions *I* am still the one who has to deal with the consequences.
Relationship: My relationship is VERY important to me. It's emotional work. Which is work I don't do very often. I save it for people who I feel are worthy of my time, emotions, and effort. If I open myself up to you, trust you, put emotions into you, faith, hope, love, etc. Then you are one special person to me. And you are important. I don't care who you are. You're someone to me. Don't ever forget that. My emotions to me are my gift. I can shut them off in a snap but letting people see them is often a long and tricky task. I've been burned too many times to just open up to every Tom, Dick, and Harry I meet. Call me whatever you like. But in the end. I'm the one who has to deal with the pain. Not you.
My animals: My animals are like my children. They are a large part of my life. I have a huge heart for animals. They depend on me. They need me. They give me love and attention when no one else will. And I will ALWAYS have animals in my life. And yes, they do come before my family because sometimes my cat can give me better emotional support than my own grandmother. And shit. They're the best listeners in the world.
Family: Alright. We're here, finally. My family does have a place in my life. But I will most likely open myself up to my friends and loved ones wayyy before I do for my family. They have taken who I am and abused that out of jealousy and anger. They have cut me down to nothing with mere words and made me feel like the most worthless person in the world. And then tell me they do it because they care and they love me. They have also helped me when I needed it but not in everyway I needed it. Mainly monitary. Not emotionally. I've stopped trying to open myself to them. I've once again, been hurt too many times. Now, I have two families. My McCarthy side of my family is another story. I love them. With all my heart. I would do anything for them. They have shown nothing but support and caring. They've put aside their own feelings and been there for me when my blood family couldn't.
Business: Let's face it. Jobs are important. But NOT the ENTIRE world. NOT someone's ENTIRE life. Even the president gets off work now and then. I would quit my job in an instant if I was needed somewhere else for a friend or loved one. People are more important to me than money. Money is EVERYWHERE. It will always be around. And if you need it. It will be there. You just have to find it. And sometimes getting it isn't always decent but you still have it. NEVER put business before people in your life when they are in their moment of need and despair. It will make you heartless. Trust me. I've been there.
Money: As I said. It's not that important to me. It's nice to have. It's nice to buy things. But I prefer flesh and conversation to a latte from starbucks any day.
Material Things: Same as money. Stuff is nice. Stuff is comforting. But people outlive stuff. People don't need batteries. People don't need gas. A conversation is cheaper anyway :)
Sex: Hey. Sex is great. Don't get me wrong. Sex feels nice. Sex is fun. It can be a learning experience. But it's not life. It doesn't need to happen all the time to make you a whole person. I will not leave someone because they aren't having sex with me. I know there is more to life than sex. And I have learned through MANY HARD lessons in MY own life that have taught me that sex does NOT equal the amount of how much someone loves you. It does not equal how much someone needs you. And it should NEVER be the reason why someone likes you or wants to spend time with you. Unless that's all your relationship with that person is. And both people understand that then hey. That's fine. But when someone tells you they will only love you if you sleep with them. Fuck it. Get away. I wasn't getting the attention I needed. I thought by sleeping around I'd get it. All I got was a constant feeling of emptiness. A hole in my heart. A hard persona. A non-trusting nature. And hell of a lot of spilt tears. All because I thought that was how people showed they cared about eachother because hey, it was attention.( And no, I wasn't given that kind of attention as a child. My family preferred mental and verbal pain. I was hit a few times but never EVER sexually abused. ) I will NEVER do that again. Ever. If you feel like you need sex alone to be happy. Then hey. Go you. This isn't about you anyway. This is MY life and my list.
So I challenge you now. You being whoever is left still reading this. Make your own list. Look at what's really and truely important in YOUR life. Then put them in order by most to least important. You may be surprised. Something you do all the time and enjoy may not be as important as something you do once a year for 5 minutes. Feel free to share it or keep it to yourself. My list isn't complete because there's so much more to my life. But you get the general idea.
So. Anyways. I'm drained after all that. I need food. And I just need to stop thinking for a while...
* NOTE * Turn off your defensive meters because this isn't about anyone in particular. This isn't all about me. This isn't about my relationship. * NOTE *
My tribute.
I'd just like to say that I was reminded last night why I LOVE gay asian bois. Oh my god. Just. THEY ARE SO HOT!! Even the thuggish ones in the hip-hop room were like melt where I'm standing gorgeous. Oh man. I can't even begin to tell you. Oh wait. I just did. Ok, I'm done.
Attention.
To me attention is important. It's important because it's a part of everyday life. We all either have it. Don't get any. Have some and want more. Or have too much and want less. Either way, it's there.
See. I don't care who you are. I don't care who you THINK you are. You need attention. The amount needed is different from person to person but it's something humans need. Like when you go into a restaurant you EXPECT to be given all the attention in the world. It's just second-nature. And if you don't. You get angry. You needed to know that everything you wanted would be met and it would be met on your terms. Once again. That's different for everyone.
For me. I LOVE attention. I love being noticed. I love being talked to. I love feeling everyone's eyes on me. It's who I am. I like positive attention. And I admit. That probably stems from childhood. From not getting paid attention to when I was a kid. I was often left at home alone and when my family would get home I would do everything in my power to be noticed. It wasn't always good things either mind you. But I still got attention. Then I got into acting. I found a high that I'd never experienced before. Wait, so you mean this whole room of people are looking at just... me? Damn, where do I sign up?
Some people are the exact opposite. They like attention but only a little bit. They prefer to be noticed from behind the scenes. Be it shyness. Mousey demeanor. Whatever it may be, they still want attention on their terms.
But regardless of how much you want or what you do to get it. We all still need it. We need to know we're cared about. Wanted. We like to feel like we make an impact on the world somehow. And attention helps us feel that way. Sometimes we may have to just flat out ask for it and other times we stay silent and just let it happen. Either way. It's enjoyed in many ways.
And it's funny. You can just tell when someone isn't being given the attention they want. They change. Act out. Cry out. I had a friend in highschool. She was from Canada. She was really nice and had a lot going for her. When her family came to America they got busy with new jobs/school/etc. They started spending less time with her. So she started hanging out with the not so good crowds. Partying all the time. Her A average grades slipped. She started dressing differently. Attitude changed. Etc. All because she thought her parents didn't care anymore. She went to the people who did pay attention to her.
So people will go to where they feel like they're getting the things that are good for them. Even if they're not. All because they have a craving or a need that needs to be filled. And I'm talking about this all from an outlook that is my own. From what I see on a day to day basis. And it saddens me to see people just wanting to be noticed. Like when someone just randomly says hi to me on the street. It can totally make my day.
So who knows. This is just me going on and on. Feel free to comment or whatever. But remember folks. This is MY perspective. God. I really do hate that word. Anyway. I won't go on a tangent about that right now. I have other tangents to write :)
God. Family. Business.
That's the order of the three most important things in life according to my sales teacher from Automax. He said nothing else matters. And you NEVER put business before family and most importantly, God.
It got me to thinking. What are my priorities? And what order are they in? So here goes.
Myself. Fun. Happiness. Friends. Relationship. My animals. Family. Business. Money. Material Things. Sex.
There's probably a lot more that I can't list right now because my mind tends to blank during the most appropriate times. Like now.
So let's analyze this.
Myself: Well. I am of course the most important thing in my life. Above all else. There's me. Because when the battles have been fought. The challenges met. I'm still the only person who's going to be left with the consequences and the only person who has to sleep with me at night.
Fun: I need to have fun. I need to know that not everything is serious all the time. It sucks. It's draining. And I won't deal with it.
Happiness: Happiness is my fuel. It keeps me motivated to do anything. Be it the situation at the present may not be happy but as long as there is that hope it will get better. Then hey. That's all the motivation I need.
Friends: Friends are important to me. They've been there when my family hasn't. They've kept me sane. They've bailed me out. They've listened. They've slapped me when I needed it and made me laugh when I was down. My friends are very important to me. But as important as they are. They are not my deciding factor in everything. They're opinions and advice are important but that's not what rules my life. In the end, after all that advice and those opinions *I* am still the one who has to deal with the consequences.
Relationship: My relationship is VERY important to me. It's emotional work. Which is work I don't do very often. I save it for people who I feel are worthy of my time, emotions, and effort. If I open myself up to you, trust you, put emotions into you, faith, hope, love, etc. Then you are one special person to me. And you are important. I don't care who you are. You're someone to me. Don't ever forget that. My emotions to me are my gift. I can shut them off in a snap but letting people see them is often a long and tricky task. I've been burned too many times to just open up to every Tom, Dick, and Harry I meet. Call me whatever you like. But in the end. I'm the one who has to deal with the pain. Not you.
My animals: My animals are like my children. They are a large part of my life. I have a huge heart for animals. They depend on me. They need me. They give me love and attention when no one else will. And I will ALWAYS have animals in my life. And yes, they do come before my family because sometimes my cat can give me better emotional support than my own grandmother. And shit. They're the best listeners in the world.
Family: Alright. We're here, finally. My family does have a place in my life. But I will most likely open myself up to my friends and loved ones wayyy before I do for my family. They have taken who I am and abused that out of jealousy and anger. They have cut me down to nothing with mere words and made me feel like the most worthless person in the world. And then tell me they do it because they care and they love me. They have also helped me when I needed it but not in everyway I needed it. Mainly monitary. Not emotionally. I've stopped trying to open myself to them. I've once again, been hurt too many times. Now, I have two families. My McCarthy side of my family is another story. I love them. With all my heart. I would do anything for them. They have shown nothing but support and caring. They've put aside their own feelings and been there for me when my blood family couldn't.
Business: Let's face it. Jobs are important. But NOT the ENTIRE world. NOT someone's ENTIRE life. Even the president gets off work now and then. I would quit my job in an instant if I was needed somewhere else for a friend or loved one. People are more important to me than money. Money is EVERYWHERE. It will always be around. And if you need it. It will be there. You just have to find it. And sometimes getting it isn't always decent but you still have it. NEVER put business before people in your life when they are in their moment of need and despair. It will make you heartless. Trust me. I've been there.
Money: As I said. It's not that important to me. It's nice to have. It's nice to buy things. But I prefer flesh and conversation to a latte from starbucks any day.
Material Things: Same as money. Stuff is nice. Stuff is comforting. But people outlive stuff. People don't need batteries. People don't need gas. A conversation is cheaper anyway :)
Sex: Hey. Sex is great. Don't get me wrong. Sex feels nice. Sex is fun. It can be a learning experience. But it's not life. It doesn't need to happen all the time to make you a whole person. I will not leave someone because they aren't having sex with me. I know there is more to life than sex. And I have learned through MANY HARD lessons in MY own life that have taught me that sex does NOT equal the amount of how much someone loves you. It does not equal how much someone needs you. And it should NEVER be the reason why someone likes you or wants to spend time with you. Unless that's all your relationship with that person is. And both people understand that then hey. That's fine. But when someone tells you they will only love you if you sleep with them. Fuck it. Get away. I wasn't getting the attention I needed. I thought by sleeping around I'd get it. All I got was a constant feeling of emptiness. A hole in my heart. A hard persona. A non-trusting nature. And hell of a lot of spilt tears. All because I thought that was how people showed they cared about eachother because hey, it was attention.( And no, I wasn't given that kind of attention as a child. My family preferred mental and verbal pain. I was hit a few times but never EVER sexually abused. ) I will NEVER do that again. Ever. If you feel like you need sex alone to be happy. Then hey. Go you. This isn't about you anyway. This is MY life and my list.
So I challenge you now. You being whoever is left still reading this. Make your own list. Look at what's really and truely important in YOUR life. Then put them in order by most to least important. You may be surprised. Something you do all the time and enjoy may not be as important as something you do once a year for 5 minutes. Feel free to share it or keep it to yourself. My list isn't complete because there's so much more to my life. But you get the general idea.
So. Anyways. I'm drained after all that. I need food. And I just need to stop thinking for a while...