He doesn't understand that I've had to change a lot of who I am and how I do things for this relationship. They aren't bad things but they're just... not what I'm used to. WHY?? Why have you changed yourself? Why are you are not now the person you were then? The one he fell in love with? You have SO MUCH going for you - and the NUMBER ONE thing that you HAD going for you in this relationship was the simple fact that you didn't let him walk all over you.
Actually, I know why. Because it didn't matter so much. You didn't have so much at stake before, so you could be the person he was initially attracted to... someone who gave as good as she got. But then you fell in love. Always the place relationships go wrong. Now he's not just a great guy you hang out with... now it's your heart on the line. And you're afraid. You're afraid of losing him, so you change yourself to fit with his vision of how he wants you to be, and in the process you lose what was so attractive in the first place.
Please, do think about this...
If he fell in love with who you were, and I can only assume that's what happened. If he fell in love with who you were, why would you want to "put away" parts of yourself?
Do me a favor. Go back and re-read your journal over the last year or so. Read how you've changed. Read the decisions you've made, the promises sworn. You may find yourself surprised where you are today.
Everyone acts like being possessive is like some horrible crime. Do you own him? The last time I checked, slavery is considered a horrible crime. If you have some kind of BDSM contract or something, then yah, you have a total right to be possessive. But until you are a lot further along in your relationship.. like to the "forsaking all others" stage.. you might want to loosen that death grip.
We understand that you adore him and want to keep him to yourself. But you're only going to smother him. Imagine he's a cat. - the tighter you hold him, the more he'll struggle to get down. I don't need to tell you that. You know that. Acting on it is entirely different, I know.
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WHY?? Why have you changed yourself? Why are you are not now the person you were then? The one he fell in love with? You have SO MUCH going for you - and the NUMBER ONE thing that you HAD going for you in this relationship was the simple fact that you didn't let him walk all over you.
Actually, I know why.
Because it didn't matter so much. You didn't have so much at stake before, so you could be the person he was initially attracted to... someone who gave as good as she got. But then you fell in love. Always the place relationships go wrong. Now he's not just a great guy you hang out with... now it's your heart on the line. And you're afraid. You're afraid of losing him, so you change yourself to fit with his vision of how he wants you to be, and in the process you lose what was so attractive in the first place.
Please, do think about this...
If he fell in love with who you were, and I can only assume that's what happened. If he fell in love with who you were, why would you want to "put away" parts of yourself?
Do me a favor. Go back and re-read your journal over the last year or so. Read how you've changed. Read the decisions you've made, the promises sworn. You may find yourself surprised where you are today.
Everyone acts like being possessive is like some horrible crime.
Do you own him? The last time I checked, slavery is considered a horrible crime. If you have some kind of BDSM contract or something, then yah, you have a total right to be possessive. But until you are a lot further along in your relationship.. like to the "forsaking all others" stage.. you might want to loosen that death grip.
We understand that you adore him and want to keep him to yourself. But you're only going to smother him. Imagine he's a cat. - the tighter you hold him, the more he'll struggle to get down. I don't need to tell you that. You know that. Acting on it is entirely different, I know.
Good luck honey.
You'll need it.
- K -